I’m a fashionable guy. Always have been. I am both cheap AND fashionable. How is that possible? I am lucky to have a body on which clothes look good. Often I can wear even cheap clothing and look good, as long as the cheap clothing fits. I wear clothes that look good but don’t cost an arm and a leg. This includes my underwear.
The underwear I have been wearing for years fit well and looked good but are getting old and wearing out. It’s time to buy new underwear. Unfortunately, the new version of my existing underwear has changed; I tried two different sizes and both sizes suck and fit badly. Hence, my going upscale and considering switching to expensive designer men’s underwear, boxer briefs. In a cool camouflage pattern.
I was considering buying Calvin Klein boxer briefs. They weren’t cheap so I wanted to make sure about fit, comfort etc. No, you can’t go to the department store, rip open a package of men’s underwear and try them on. Thus, buying underwear is always a risk. And, all too often the brand you wore for a decade has changed, is made in some cheap-labor country, doesn’t fit well and is of much lesser unacceptable quality. Junk. And unwearable.
And, no, I do not wear tidy whities and haven’t since high school. And I’ve tried a number of brands of briefs and none fit well. I have insanely spent hundreds of dollars unsuccessfully trying to find underwear that looks good AND fits.
I checked amazon and they offered the Calvin Klein brand and style. In my size. I zoomed in on the item and it looked like good quality and the reviews said they were a good and accurate fit. So far so good. I could not, however, tell from the photo if they had a side or top opening in the pouch for ease of urination. I definitely wanted that. I asked the question of the amazon “community” and received an answer promptly. “No, there is no opening in the front”. What? Without a front opening how does a guy unzip his pants and take out his penis to pee? There is no opening in the front of the underwear to do that? That means that a guy has to unzip and unbuckle and unbutton his pants, pull down his pants, then pull down his underwear just to pee. And, standing up, that’s not convenient. Or quick. Or, with your pants falling down around your ankles, not good for your balance. The other alternative is to do all that and sit down on the toilet and pee. Pee like a girl. Hey, underwear manufacturers, I don’t want to go through pulling down my zipper, undoing my belt, unbuttoning my pants and pulling down my underwear just to take a leak! And I CERTAINLY don’t want to do all that and then sit on the toilet and pee like a girl! When men only have to urinate real men pee standing up!
In taking away the front opening, men’s underwear designers are taking away our manhood! Men’s underwear designers are taking away our manhood and turning us into girls! When I have to urinate I just want to easily and quickly and safely whip out my penis – through my fly – and whiz away into the toilet! Standing up. Like a man.
That being the case, I am definitely not buying these Calvin Klein boxer briefs. What will I do for underwear? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll go commando, and not wear underwear at all. Ugh. Or maybe I’ll try “Depends” incontinence underwear and just pee in my pants.