Gifts vs. Funds — Marriage Etiquette Q&A

October 4, 2015 Off By Johnie Turber

Q: My daughter is getting married in Oct 2008. Her and her fiance have almost everything they have to have for their dwelling. Is it ok to inquire for dollars alternatively of a reward? If it is ok, how do we word this?
stumped in texas
Responses underneath:
JW said: :My assistance for dollars hungry: “No, it is not ok to inquire for dollars alternatively of a reward. It reveals weak manners. The wedding ceremony should be a celebration of love, not an expectation of gifts or financial payment. A guest’s existence at your particular occasion should be adequate, and if they bring a reward, even dollars, which is terrific. But a single should not assume it possibly.”

From W: I have a reaction to the wedding ceremony dilemma: I do believe we have progressed in “correctness”. On the other hand, I nevertheless stay by some older, respectful manners. It is not tacky to inquire for dollars and it is a lot more prevalent now than ever. I have noticed the decorated dollars chests at weddings that company fall an envelope in. The ideal way to make this desire of your company is via word of mouth. By no means, in my impression in writing (on the invite) Let household and shut pals know that the few is not registered and that dollars would be appreciated. Even though not anticipated.

They will have to forgive individuals previous fashioned minded who come to feel ill at ease by not bringing a reward. So they will get some hoaky gifts that can’t be returned for money but our modern society has not fully grasped the money value still! Not to be way too lengthy winded, but for instance when my spouse and I received married we eloped. But we had a wedding ceremony shower. I did not have to have gifts but I had a superior mate dying from cancer. I did put on the invite “no gifts you should…if you desire to make a donation for Cynthia. Make sure you make payable to … I had a single few bring us a reward. A set of silver goblets with our names and date inscribed. I cherish individuals as they are a fond memory of our gorgeous shower and our relationship.

JW sent this facts from an write-up: There are official and casual procedures governing gifts of dollars to enable newlyweds get a dwelling. 1st, the casual procedures: Is it Ok to inquire one’s wedding ceremony company for dollars?

“It’s not impolite to request dollars as a wedding gift,” states Peggy Post, author of Emily Post’s Marriage Etiquette. “On the other hand, it’s very essential to inquire politely.”

Peggy Post is Emily’s terrific-granddaughter-in-regulation, the wedding ceremony etiquette professional for WeddingChannel.com and the major spokesman for the Emily Post Institute. She states a single of the most popular difficulties that partners face is how to request dollars as a wedding gift. Doing so is appropriate, if carried out politely.

If you seek out down-payment dollars, get the word out via household and pals, Post recommends. Just really don’t include that information in the exact envelope as a wedding ceremony invitation.

“If you are requested stage-blank what you would like for a reward, you may say, ‘Whatever you opt for will be
amazing, I’m guaranteed, but dollars for a dwelling down payment is on the leading of our desire record,'” Post states.

“You should constantly settle for any reward graciously, and don’t forget that the choice of what to give genuinely belongs to the reward giver,” Post states.

Putting all this facts collectively, I say that you could enable people know that you are conserving for a down payment on a dwelling (or whichever) in the exact way you enable them know exactly where you are registered for gifts. But then, never mention dollars once again, other than to shut household and pals.